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Ten Reasons to Give Thanks to Condoms

Ten Reasons to Give Thanks to Condoms

3 minute read

We are thankful for many things: our valued customers, our health, our loved ones and our freedom. But, we're also incredibly thankful for all that condoms do to make our lives better and safer. So, without further ado, here are the top ten reasons to give thanks to condoms this Thanksgiving!

10. For Bringing Us Worry-Free Boinking

They’re recognized by the CDC and the FDA as the safest and most consequence-free way to alleviate sexual frustration! Be gone, ramifications! Much appreciated, condoms!

9. For Increasing Confidence Levels

Condoms can make you more confident in your penis' appearance, by concealing Fordyce Spots, ingrown hairs and pearly penile papules so you can really strut! Our favorite opaque condoms are Lifestyles Tuxedo Condoms. Plus, they can also give your ego a huge boost, and fluff your feathers, by making you last longer in bed! Muchas gracias, climax control condoms!

8. For Allowing Allergic People to Penetrate

Those who are allergic to their partner’s sperm should definitely be saying, “Thank you,” to condoms this Thanksgiving! Condoms allow them to have a fun and satisfying sex life despite this sometimes life threatening allergy to seminal proteins.

7. For Enriching our Sex Positive Minds

The unclothed human body itself is a work of art. Luckily for us, condoms have also been used as art supplies to make beautiful and awareness-raising fine art pieces. All lovers of art and safer sex are thankful for these thought provoking, condom-based works of art!

6. For Containing that Mighty Thick Gravy

There may not be cranberry or pumpkin spice condoms out as of yet, but flavored condoms have come a long way recently, and they turn erections into a great tasting appetizer or dessert-- all while preventing the transmission of oral STDs! Exxxcellent!

5. For When You Have to Baste with Haste

Condoms make clean-up after masturbation a breeze! No more tissues and paper towels-- cause thankfully, all the tidying up that posh wanking entails is a tie and toss into the trash. Let's face it, no one wants to start scrubbing out cum or lube stains from right after stroking.

4. For Making Fire (and not Fire Crotch)

Not only can condoms keep you safer during sexual activities, they are also super useful in the event of a disaster, or whilst camping, for water storage, as a tourniquet, makeshift fishing lures, and they can even be used to start a fire. So handy!

3. For Aural Goodness

Condoms keep you jammin’ in the audience at festivals, theater performances and concerts. How? By keeping the sweat or rain from shorting out your favorite musician’s wireless microphone battery pack! We sell dry condoms in bulk for this purpose, all the time. So thanks to condoms, you can keep your head bangin’ and your toes stompin’ even in the summer heat!

2. For, "No Disease, Please."

Let’s all step back and think about what life without condoms would mean to our reproductive health. Condoms are the most effective way to prevent against STDs and STIs, and other viruses, parasites and bacteria that are transmittable through sex like Lyme disease. Seriously, thank you condoms, thank you for keeping the entire world, and your wish bone, healthier.

1. For Keeping Babies at Bay

Whether you’re waiting to have kids, or you’re breastfeeding your child and want to wait awhile for your next one to come along-- condoms are a cheap, reliable and readily available way to keep those babies at bay. Now that’s really something for is all to be very thankful for!

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