Q: My boyfriend and I are ready to have sex for the first time. The only thing is, we're gay and neither one of us know anything about anal beyond what we've seen in porn. If I'm on the bottom, what am I expected to do? How can I make sure I'm clean? Is it going to hurt?

A: Just like well, most forms of porn, gay porn sucks as a safe sex instructional!

For anal sex, bottoms can clean their, well, bottoms using an enema or an anal douche. Both have risks and are best done several hours before sex.

Most of the time, just go to the bathroom and make sure you're clean with a few wipes. Chances are, you're much cleaner than you think. Even if you feel like you're totally gonna poop.

The brain only knows you have to poop because the anus is full-- that is literally the signal for, "Yo, let's go to the bathroom." So, having something in there like a dildo or some tasty, tasty man flesh may give you a little pause the first few times. But don't worry. You are most likely not going to poop.

 Don't rush into your first time-- it can make it painful and unenjoyable. And finally, the best thing a top can do for a bottom is provide protection. We strongly recommend condoms with extra lube for anal sex.

Even if you're both virgins, you can still get sexually transmitted infections. I mentioned bacteria, right? Well, that bacteria can get up inside of the urethra, causing painful UTIs. The FDA does not recommend condoms for anal because they're jerks. Doesn't matter. Use them anyway, and use them with lots of lube to ensure they don't break.

This is our list of our best condoms for anal. One thing that's not mentioned on there – don't use lambskin condoms. They feel great, but they're only good for preventing pregnancy, not infections or STDs.

Remember, too, if your partner has had other partners, that many STDs are asymptomatic in men. There are even some STDs, like some forms of HPV, that a person can be born with. So always be sure to get tested with your partner before starting a new relationship. Most health clinics will do this for free once a year.