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Best Condom Names

Best Condom Names


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When a new type of condom emerges and it receives its official product name, this can either make or break its success in today’s competitive marketplace.

Sometimes, this pressure can lead marketers to choose interesting, experimental and (unintentionally) funny product names. Here are the 10 best condom names of the condoms here at Condom Depot:

When I hear the "Trojan Charged Orgasmic Pleasure,” I feel like: I'm about to incur an electric shock, I committed a heinous crime, it's time to unplug my phone or I just swiped my credit card. Plus, using the word charged in a condom name implies some kind of prostitution just took place. Trojan probably should have just stuck with the Orgasmic Pleasure bit and left the charging to the Criminal Defense system.


You truly cannot fight the awesome power of this word meld. Ahh, Trojan Thintensity, you'll surely entice us all with your clever blending of the words “thin” and “intensity.” We are unable to resist your alluring portmanteau (a.k.a combining two words into one). Must purchase due to irresistibly integrated condom name!


Hmm, the thought of multitudes of thorns anywhere near my condoms doesn’t fill me with a lot of confidence. Just cause the ladies stereotypically like roses, this doesn’t necessarily mean we want to associate condoms with fields of overgrown rose bushes during our most intimate acts. Although the Caution Wear Wild Rose will prevent her from being pollinated, this is definitely not the most virile and potent name for a ribbed condom, especially since Caution Wear used to call this condom Speed Bumps, which is a much more suitable name for the product.


Looks like Durex is hopping on the noun + verb = sales train as well. All aboard, next stop is downtown! Let’s hope that your partner's caboose is “intense,” enough for you to “performax,” it up to your utmost potential. I can’t help but feel like this British company is trying to appeal to American customers with this name, but it sounds more like a deodorant than a condom to me.


I’m sure I’m not the only one who has secretly hoped these would look like the tuxedo t-shirts which were popular in the 1980’s. Can we at least get a bow tie printed on them around the head? A pocket square? A row of button shaped studs? Come on! Don’t be fooled by the name, the LifeStyles Tuxedo Black is pure black and there ain't no tux about it.


Anyone ball-sy enough to name a condom after a 3 digit number is a-ok in my book. Is the Caution Wear Mission 707 somehow meant to resemble a 707 Boeing, or is this just a random series of numbers? Was it their 707th condom design? We may never know, but we do know this mission wasn’t too impossible, if you got far enough to need a condom. You stud, you.


I seriously wonder how many people decide to buy the Caution Wear Camox PPE condom based on the gratuitous “x” at the end of camo and the random acronym tacked on the end, which stands for, “Premium Protection Everytime.” Apparently, they think “everytime,” is one word. For those who are concerned with both grammar and protection, the correct acronym would be PPET.

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